10 years ago I would have agonized over having to spend time alone. I absolutely hated being by myself, to lost in my own thoughts which scared the hell out of me. Having lived with depression since a teen, being alone could send me into a downward spiral which would end in me not getting off the couch or out of bed for days at a time and cutting off communication to everyone possible. Now I cherish that time I can spend with just myself and my thoughts.
Growing up is a necessary evil that each of us have to cope with in different ways. One way I have learned to grow up and into myself, even at 35 years old, is to take time for myself to be alone. Sometimes it’s to just sit on my couch and read a book, sometimes it’s to sit at Panera at a table and do some laptop work or journal (in the past I would have feared sitting by myself in public!) or even sitting in my car and taking a few minutes to breathe and calm myself down. Lately, with all the stresses I have been dealing with plus living with 3 other people in my house, I haven’t been able to find my Meagan time which has contributed to some of my “temper tantrums”. This term is used by my boyfriend when I go into my rage fits which are still coming and going. I’m still trying to find my way through all of this pain and instead of being one with myself and taking the time to take care of myself, I am causing myself more pain which hurts everyone around me.
Scheduling even 10 minutes of me time a day is essential to my mental health and my family’s well being because it helps me release the tension I have built up in my body and mind. I want to work on getting back my affirmations, reading my encouragement books (aka self help books), adding to my vision board and meditating again but I know I can’t do it all overnight. It’s going to take sometime to get back into the routine but scheduling 10 minutes a day to work on myself and spend time alone will be one of the most beneficial things I can do for myself.