Well it is official folks… I am on bed rest or at least out of work for the rest of my pregnancy. I had a feeling it was coming because as soon as I am on my feet my body decides that it is going to start acting up. You know the cramps and Braxton Hicks
contractions that are not supposed to happen until the 3rd trimester! In order to help relieve the pain and my anxiety, my OB thinks staying off my feet as much is in mine and the baby’s best interest and I have to agree.
Now what in the hell am I going to do for the next 4-5 months? Since I had a feeling this was coming, I started to make my plan over the weekend to apply for financial aid and college. I still have a semester to finish of my theatre associates degree from the community college I attend when Danyella was in preschool so I do have some credits that will transfer over… hopefully! Since the new community college does not offer a theatre degree, I opted for a fine arts degree which between the fall and spring I should be able to finish up to transfer to a “big person’s college or university”. Yes, to me attending a 4 year school is like finally growing into an adult because you need at least a bachelors in order to a decent job now.
I am going to be the old, pregnant mom in my classes which makes me feel soooo self conscious because I hate that I have gotten this old and haven’t finished school. On the bright side, having school and homework will keep me super busy since I will not have to work to occupy my time. I love anything to do with art so getting my associates in Fine Arts will allow me to transfer to a 4 year college to get my bachelors in Art History which I would love to take to the next level and get my Masters as well. The art classes will do me a double good because I will be working towards my degree plus releasing my stresses through my art.
Another project that I am going to try and undertake while on bed rest, is to actually start making all these patterns that I have collected over the past 10 years. So I will be going through all my patterns and making one of each to either give as a gift, keep for my family or list on my website. Some of my most popular items came from patterns that I wouldn’t have normally tried because it was either a request or went with yarn that I fell in love with and needed a fitting pattern.
Let’s hope that the next 4-5 months brings alot of self discovery and adventure instead of sleep and boredom. When I am bored it is never good for myself and really not good for the loved ones that are around me because I get very demanding and bitchy. For their sake, keeping busy is the best thing….
I am going to start this off with kind of a disclaimer/apology to my baby daddy/boyfriend… When I started blogging (on a different platform until someone turned me onto WordPress), my posts consisted of the ups and downs of being a single mom in the world of dating while running a business. This is something that I have continued to do with this blog and I forget that when I write it involves other people. Honestly, I never thought that BD would ever read my blog but once I saw him get upset about my writing I began to censor myself. I don’t agree that I should censor what I write because I write about my life…. the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful moments. So before I continue with this post…. babe I am sorry if my posts upset you but please remember that I love you.
With the apology out of the way let’s get to the ups and downs that have been happening
lately. With so much focus on our unborn baby, kids, work, needing to move and all of the other stresses we have going on, we have really let each other go with our relationship. It has felt more like we are roommates that share a bed once in a while then a couple that love each other. I have been crying about our relationship almost daily because I feel alone and unloved which I am the type of person that needs the constant feel of affection and love in my life when I am with someone. Now I know that my hormones have not helped my constant crying but the underlying problem is there and needs to be addressed in order to be fixed.
In being wrapped up in all of my self wallowing and crying about how alone I feel, I have not considered how he is feeling because I have not given to him what I am asking from him. As a girl, I love being held in his arms and just cuddling so when I see the dog getting all the cuddles and kisses I want I got jealous. (yes jealous of the damn dog) If I wanted those cuddles I should have told him or moved the dog and started cuddling with him. When I brought up my jealousy of the dog this morning, BD basically said that I don’t make him feel loved either.
So we do need to find a way back to each other before our relationship goes into the grave. I know that I have been difficult to deal with lately and can be very demanding when I want something and a bitch when I don’t get something (like for my birthday he was out of the house and I didn’t even get a card which made me feel like I was just about the most unloved person ever and I made my feelings very known). It takes two of us to get our relationship back from being one foot in the grave and I am hoping we BOTH can work on building a stronger relationship.
PS Thank you for the Egg and toast for breakfast!
We have made it to 18 weeks! Each week is a new accomplishment in my life after suffering miscarriages. No huge changes this week besides my increased hormones making me want to cry all the time. I don’t think I have ever been so damn sensitive in my life!
According to the apps, Evelynne is the size of a Sweet Potato, a croissant, a sling shot and a sugar glider (the picture looks like a brown squirrel). I am definitely getting bigger by the day which means I have had to buy new clothes. On a bright note, the size Large jeans that I got are actually to big on me!!
With fair week and my birthday, it was hard to stay on complete bed rest but I made sure to sit as much as possible when I was out. I am feeling a major difference in my body when I rest compared to when I am active and it is not good. Another thing that went out the window this week was eating healthy…. I craved fried foods (2am NEED for pulled pork and pickles!) and pie. One odd thing that I have craved is more vegetables including salads. I was good at my birthday lunch and got the salad bar as one of my sides because I want dark lettuce, croutons and beets. Yes these combos are weird!
Update on the insurance sage…. I was able to obtain new health insurance for a hefty rate! Now for the bad news…. both my OB and high risk doctors are covered BUT the hospital is not! FML! Well things will change once we move across the river to PA but now I feel like we are in a time crunch to get a place and it might not be a place that is the right fit for us for a whole year. Which can I just say that I am beginning to LOATHE the office girl at my OB’s office! She has become such a bitch with all of this insurance stuff and if I didn’t LOVE my OB I would switch doctors asap.
Next week will come with a lengthy update because I see both doctors on Wednesday and will find out if I am on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.
Now that I am on bed rest, or at least for the time being, I have made the committment to commit to my blog on a consistent basis which is a huge deal for me. In the past, life has taken over and my blog was conveniently forgotten. I mean who has time to blog when you are running in a million directions and just want to veg out to your latest Netflix binge at night?
Since making this committment, which I hate committing to ANYTHING, I have laid out a game plan to do research on how to make my blog successful. I have seen how other people’s blog just take off which truly inspires me but I have no idea HOW to do that…. at all! When I have blogged in the past, it was more of my way of sharing what is going on in my life and in my head. Now, my research is telling me that I need to pick a theme or direction and stick with that. Well, my mind is full of ideas and I live by my emotions so sticking with one direction (should I sing you a song? hehe) makes my anxiety sky rocket to the moon.
I have so much that goes on in my life that how can I pick just one or two directions for my blog? I have my relationship (which we all know can be a roller coaster especially now that I am hormonal), I have my pregnancy, I have my children, I have my attempt at gardening, I have my handmade business, I have my journey of self love, I have my life which is filled with a different stress or drama or happiness everyday. Can’t I just write about all of these?
My experienced bloggers, does anyone have any tips they can share? I want to make my blog a success but I am struggling with the direction aspect. Any help will be appreciated!
How in the hell can we adopt a bunny when we have to move? How can we adopt a bunny with a crazy puppy that loves to scare every animal that comes into yard? How can we adopt a bunny when I may end up on bed rest for the next 4-5 months? How are we going to convince a landlord to take us plus our crazy puppy plus a new baby bunny?
It is fair week so I knew that Danyella was going to become Bunny obsessed since we never held up our end of the deal… buying her a new bunny after Hannah the Havana died. Well she worked every angle she could from pouting to getting angry to begging. She tried it all and it worked.
Maybe it is the hormones that made me go soft with this decision but I did feel bad because instead of buying her a new bunny we adopted Max the crazy puppy. Don’t get me wrong, she loves Max but to her we all share Max but a bunny would be all hers like Hanna
h was all hers. I understood that somehow the non animal lover has raised a true animal lover but the timing is all wrong right now.
We need to move and find a landlord that will take us and our puppy which is hard enough but now we have to add a baby bunny to the list. Plus this just adds to yet another thing we need to move. Oh how do I end up agreeing to this craziness? I end up agreeing because I want to make her feel like she is important while I am having to take the time to take care of myself and the baby which cuts into things Danyella and I had planned for the summer. Good ole guilt trip….
Danyella had everyone riding this guilt trip until we agreed to adopt Benny the Bunny. Yes she loves to name her animals to rhyme… Benny the Bunny and Hannah the Havana (type of bunny she was) plus it was hard to find somet
hing to go with Lop (the type of bunny Benny is). I do have to say, her love for animals have made me a little softer in my years with animals and their dreaded fur!
I am sure there will be future posts and pictures about the newest member of our family so stay tuned!
After months of starting some of these plants from just seeds and other plants from baby plants (not sure what the technically term is), it has been amazing to see the vegetables and flowers growing into beautiful creations. Don’t get me wrong, things have not been perfect with my plants but to see just some stuff be edible is an exciting accomplishment for me.
We have been able to enjoy butter lettuce for salads, cucumbers with ranch dressing which the baby is loving, red and yellow (orange) cherry tomatoes and beans. Well to be honest Danyella is the one enjoying the tomatoes and beans because I am not a real fan of eating them raw. We have so many tomatoes ready to just ripen but the cucumbers are starting to grow fewer. We are still waiting for our squash for grow bigger and the peppers to start growing bigger. Just seeing these vegetables grow and be edible has been the biggest accomplishment I have had in so long.
On the down side, I have had to start many of my herbs over again because I let them basically drown because I bought the cute ceramic pots from Targer. The thing with the adorable pots that I didn’t realize was they had no holes to drain which was crucial when trying not to kill your plants. So I have started the herbs over from seeds and waiting for them to sprout up. I got rid of my bok choy because it was growing faster then I could use it and honestly I just got bored with it.
It is so funny, in the past, I would never even realize people had any type of garden in their yards but now I see them everywhere. I am so inspired to plant more for the fall, which I am researching what I can plant to produce for the fall. The ideas I have for next year are already in the works too!