Even though post partum depression is still a very quiet subject that most people do not want to talk about, depression during pregnancy is an even quieter subject. I suffered from anxiety and depression long before my pregnancy but went off of my medication once I found out I was pregnant. I would do anything to keep my unborn baby healthy, but at what cost to myself.
Why did I go off of my medication? The type of medication I was on is considered a Class D drug which deemed it unsafe for a growing fetus. So of course I made the decision to put my baby and her health first.
For most of my pregnancy, I was doing well with my depression but my anxiety has yet to get under control. Some days were better than others when it came to my panic attacks but the anxiety has always been there. Whether it has been over things going on with the baby, parenting, family, relationship, our home… anything. In the past few weeks, the panic attacks not only come daily but multiple times a day or hour.
I have tried meditation, positive thinking, audio books on positivity, journaling and so much more but nothing has been working. The other day the anxiety turned to pure depression. I couldn’t move and refused to get out of bed. The tears and depressive thoughts just came in droves and consumed everything in me. I just couldn’t take anymore and this was more than just a hormonal unbalance.
When you can no longer function in your daily life because of depressive thoughts then it is more than just being sad about something. I have talked to my OB about finding a safe medication to go on because I know that I need something to help me through this. I need be happy about my life again without anxiety and depression taking over.
No person deserves to suffer through anxiety and depression and a pregnant shouldn’t be left to feel ashamed because they need help through this time in their lives. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to speak up because having these panic attacks that lead to depression moments is exhausting for everyone, not just me but my family as well. A happy mama makes a happy baby makes a happy home!