I am going to start this off with kind of a disclaimer/apology to my baby daddy/boyfriend… When I started blogging (on a different platform until someone turned me onto WordPress), my posts consisted of the ups and downs of being a single mom in the world of dating while running a business. This is something that I have continued to do with this blog and I forget that when I write it involves other people. Honestly, I never thought that BD would ever read my blog but once I saw him get upset about my writing I began to censor myself. I don’t agree that I should censor what I write because I write about my life…. the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful moments. So before I continue with this post…. babe I am sorry if my posts upset you but please remember that I love you.
With the apology out of the way let’s get to the ups and downs that have been happening
lately. With so much focus on our unborn baby, kids, work, needing to move and all of the other stresses we have going on, we have really let each other go with our relationship. It has felt more like we are roommates that share a bed once in a while then a couple that love each other. I have been crying about our relationship almost daily because I feel alone and unloved which I am the type of person that needs the constant feel of affection and love in my life when I am with someone. Now I know that my hormones have not helped my constant crying but the underlying problem is there and needs to be addressed in order to be fixed.
In being wrapped up in all of my self wallowing and crying about how alone I feel, I have not considered how he is feeling because I have not given to him what I am asking from him. As a girl, I love being held in his arms and just cuddling so when I see the dog getting all the cuddles and kisses I want I got jealous. (yes jealous of the damn dog) If I wanted those cuddles I should have told him or moved the dog and started cuddling with him. When I brought up my jealousy of the dog this morning, BD basically said that I don’t make him feel loved either.
So we do need to find a way back to each other before our relationship goes into the grave. I know that I have been difficult to deal with lately and can be very demanding when I want something and a bitch when I don’t get something (like for my birthday he was out of the house and I didn’t even get a card which made me feel like I was just about the most unloved person ever and I made my feelings very known). It takes two of us to get our relationship back from being one foot in the grave and I am hoping we BOTH can work on building a stronger relationship.
PS Thank you for the Egg and toast for breakfast!