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A Reset for 2019

Where do I even begin this post? 2018 was both the best year and worst year of my life…

Let’s start with the good before getting to the bad and how I plan on changing things up for 2019…

The Great Moments

Baby Evelynne

What can be better then adding our baby girl Evelynne into our family! She is the happiest, easy going baby that lights up the room with her smiles and giggles. Every morning I look forward to my good morning kisses and snuggles with my baby girl. This was one of the 4 best moments of my life when she was born at 2am on January 1st.

A New Car

For years, I have been driving beater cars because I couldn’t afford to finance a car plus my credit score was crap. Doug’s credit wasn’t much better but we need to improve his score so we can purchase a family home for our kids. After many attempts at purchasing a new truck for Doug, he decided a safer car for the kids and I would be better for everyone. The timing was perfect because we have been dealing with tire issues, motor mount issues and other issues with the car which seemed to increase by the week lately. A Facebook ad popped up an older Lexus, fully loaded, in amazing condition with low mileage which intrigued Doug to put in an application to finance the car. 10 days before Christmas, I drove home my Christmas gift! She’s a beauty and I love my new car aka Roxy! (Who else names their cars?)

Cricut Maker and Easy Press 2

Another early Christmas gift that my husband gave me was the new Cricut Maker and Easy Press 2 so that I could start my shirt and bag portion of my business. I have been wanting/asking for a cricut for years and this new cricut maker is AMAZING! I mean there is nothing this machine can’t make though I am still learning how to work many of its features. Plus, the Easy Press 2 has made making dancers and dance mom shirts and bags SOOOO much easier!

Now for the bad..

Did He Cheat?

Evelynne was 2 weeks old when I received a random Facebook message from someone I didn’t know. This wasn’t uncommon since I am always selling things on Marketplace so I assumed it was someone looking to purchase something. The first line flipped my whole world upside down and changed who I am forever. This random girl with a made up Facebook name told me in the span of 7 messages that my husband was having sex with her, not wearing his wedding ring and she paid our recent cellphone bill. I confronted my husband who denied cheating and says he didn’t know who this girl even was but suspected it had to do with his ex. His excuse was that this girl was setup by his ex that he gave me a little girl that he didn’t give her. I sat in my bed, holding my newborn baby girl and just cried. The past year has been a blur of depression and anxiety because I just function the best I can until I end up in tears or having a panic attack.

As for this random girl, Sunshine as a first name is more then likely made up to hide her true identity though I later found out her real name and where she lives. My husband doesn’t know how much I found out about this person.

Writing this has the tears flowing like it happened minutes ago. I don’t know if the pain of this will ever go away which whether he did cheat or not, Doug doesn’t understand why I can’t just let it go and move on. How do you just let something like this go when it is a he said/she said situation but certain details scream out at me that this random girl shouldn’t know!

Yes, I chose to stay in my marriage and keep my family intact for the time being to give my husband the benefit of the doubt. It has NOT been an easy task when some days I want to scratch his eyes out and somedays I want to hide from the world and just cry. We are supposed to be working on our marriage which seems to be a lot of hot air from him but this will be part of my blog in 2019.

My Mom’s Diagnosis

For as long as I can remember, my Mom hasn’t felt good. She has seen many doctors and received different diagnosis as to what it could be but they just didn’t seem to fit all of her symptoms. Finally, this year we received the answers that have been sought after for over 20 years… she has an autoimmune liver disease called PBC. This disease will eventually require her to have a liver transplant. My mom having it makes the females in our family highly susceptible to ending up with it as well. I did some testing and I have the markers but so far my liver bloodwork has come back as normal. This is will be a future post that I will explain more about the disease and squash the assumptions because people hear liver and think alcohol.

No Health Answers for Myself

What’s so frustrating is that my mom got her answers finally and what I thought was my answer, anemia, was not my answer at all. With my pregnancy, my iron and ferritan levels were so low that I had to see a hematologist and start on infusions. The hematologist told me that all the symptoms that I have been living with for years was due to undiagnosised anemia that my body was reacting to like my arms and legs randomly going numb, the spots in my eye, the fatigue, the pure weakness I feel all day, everyday etc. With our new insurance, I had to see a new PCP which ran an extensive amount of bloodwork, only to find out that now my iron levels are fine and just see her back in 3 months. 3 more months of pain and exhaustion while caring for a toddler and running a business? UMM HELL NO! I need and want answers not just live with all of this and see her again in a few month. WTF why don’t doctors care enough to try and find answers anymore?

The Bad parts of 2018 could go on and on with our being forced out of house we had been renting for a few years because someone else bought it and didn’t know the laws in our state for buying a rental property to the mounting medical bills to the slow restart to my handmade business. I don’t want to be a total Negatve Nelly so I am going to stop here with the bad

Reset for 2019

I am a self admitted, self help book Audible junkie and fell in love with Mel Robbins book “The 5 Second Rule” this year. It really has helped motivate me to try new things and even push past the pain I am in to get things done. I was super duper excited to see that Mel is starting a new program in 2019 called #mindsetreset which will help get your mind out of the gutter its been in and reset into something you want your mind and life to be. I need this to get out of my funk and depression.

I want so much more out of 2019 like a successful business, a healthy body, loving marriage and happy family. Even if these things don’t turn out the way I want, at least I can say that I tried. I can’t wait to get back into blogging and track my progress in my life. My blog will be more about chatting about my life as a mom, an entrapreuner, a wife and a woman. I would have loved to continue showing off my cooking/baking/crafty side but when something becomes so overwhelming that you shut down, it is not a right fit for the moment. I love talking and relating to other women that could be going through the same struggles that I am going through because we are never alone.

If you want to join in on Mel Robbins’ #mindsetreset check out her website: Mel Robbins Mindset Reset

I look forward to chatting with all of you in 2019!

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Valentine’s Day Gifts for Him

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If you are like me, you have no idea what to give the man in your life for Valentine’s Day. Plus this year we are on a budget for gifts so I wanted to find unique gifts that were affordable.

This post may contain affiliate links. See our disclosure page for more information.

Here are my top 5 choices:

For the Beer Lover:

Fuzzy Socks L&ZZ Unisex Funny Saying Knitting Word Combed Cotton Crew Coffee Socks for Men Women

For the Beard Men

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Beard Oil Beard Butter in Timber Mint 1 Ounce Handmade in Maine with Organic Oils Better than Beard Oil

For the Outdoorsman

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Soundbot SB210 HD Stereo Bluetooth 4.1 Wireless Smart Beanie Headset Musical Knit Headphone Speaker Hat Speakerphone Cap,built-in Mic (BLK)

For the Sports Fan

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Philadelphia Eagle Black Metal Frame or choose your man’s fave team!

For the Nerd or movie buff

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Crazy Dog T-Shirts Mens Best Husband In The Galaxy Funny Nerdy Love Marriage T Shirt (Black) XL

I hope that you enjoyed my Valentine’s Day for him gift guide for this year. All of these gifts can be purchased and shipped with free 2 day shipping when you use Amazon Prime. If you don’t have Prime click the link below to start your free 30 day trial today!

Try Amazon Prime 30-Day Free Trial
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Happy Valentine’s Day to you and all of those you love ❤️

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Facebook and Relationship Age Gap

Prior to today, I haven’t mentioned my boyfriend to much but after a 6 hour “discussion” last night… it’s time to talk about our relationship. There is 10 year age difference between my boyfriend(45) and I(35), almost to the day. When we are together, you can’t tell an age difference because we can laugh and play and have fun but our issues do come up.

Last night’s “discussion” (which is in parentheses because he said it was us talking when to me I was fighting with him over this) was about Facebook. At 35, I am on multiple social media apps which helps me run my handmade business. I love posting on my social media because I love to brag about my life or vent about my life. In the past, I have posted about my relationships because I am proud of who I am with and what makes me happy. 

On the other hand, my boyfriend rarely posts and has made it clear to me that he doesn’t post and especially doesn’t post about his relationships. For months, I kept my mouth shut and tried to be ok with it. That was until the miscarriage, in my moments of anger I haven’t been holding back my thoughts and this was one of them. My boyfriend and I want to one day get married and try for another baby but I told him I didn’t want those things with him if I have to feel like I’m hiding parts of my life because his refusal to post about our relationship. He wanted me to only refer to him as my boyfriend and never tag him which hurt me because it felt like I was being hidden.

So we talked for 6 hours and eventually we realized that the 10 year age gap is the reason behind both of us looking at Facebook differently. He sees Facebook as way to communicate with friends but not opening his life up to the world. Whereas, I see Facebook as a place to tell the world about how my life is going because I don’t have the time to talk to each person individually. Eventually, he did see what I was saying and how I was feeling about how I don’t like the feeling of hiding my life. We are taking baby steps towards exposing him to posting on Facebook.

There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and have a child with him. In the same breathe, I won’t hide my life from the world and in this day and age the world is on social media.