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Learning to Let Go

Happy 2019 everyone! I can’t wait to begin this year off with a bang, even if I am late to the party… so let’s learn how to let it go in 2019!

Let it go, let it go… yes I’m mentally singing the song in my head which is something I should have started doing when the song first came out. I am the opposite of a let it go person so this is my challenge to myself in 2019. I need to learn to let things go and not let them eat me alive one thought at a time.

Dwell like last weeks leftovers

Who are my fellow dwell on something until it’s all you can think about, consumes your mind, body and soul and slowly eats you alive?

For most of my 37 years, I have acted like I let things go while they  sit in my mind and stew like those leftover you forgot in the back of the fridge. Yes, those now moldy, soggy leftovers that you just want to throw away, container and all are like the bad moments that I can’t let go in my mind. It is sad that letting go has become this hard for me.

In the beginning, I could let some stuff roll off my back and let go of the negative impact it had on my life. That all changed with my divorce. I married a man and had 2 children with him and the whole time our marriage was just a huge, gigantic lie to him. Since, my older kids don’t know the whole story of our divorce, all I can say is that there was ALOT of lies and betrayal on his part that forever changed who I was, mentally and emotionally and even physically. How do you bounce back from that kind of betrayal? You learn to act like you let it go while suppressing your true feelings until you stew on them to the point that it makes you anxiety ridden and over analyze EVERYTHING! This is NOT the healthy way to do with a life changing event, which is why I am changing my thoughts and life with #mindsetreset with Mel Robbins.

Negative Thoughts On Repeat

Are you one that has the repeat button on in your mind that tells you: You are to fat, You are to old, You are stupid, No One Loves You, You are not Good Enough? I have been on the no one loves you and I am not good enough train for probably 25 years. The I am not good enough thoughts started as a child when I was reprimanded for bad grades and then escalated with family situations that occurred in my life. The no one loves you thoughts really began to shine through any positive thoughts with my divorce and just got worse with every break up there after.

As adults, our limiting or negative beliefs are ones that have either started as a child, by a parent or teacher or a traumatic event in adolescence/adulthood.  These negative beliefs can shape our lives which is not healthy for yourself and your loved ones. 

What are your limiting, negative beliefs about yourself?

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

For years, I have believed in the saying: Change your thoughts, Change your LIFE but I haven’t always executed what I believed in. It takes time and effort to recognize the bad thoughts and change them to good ones, especially when most of your thoughts are negative beliefs about yourself. As I have been consciously working on catching my negative thoughts, I have realized how much I let things stew in my mind, even the smallest of things.

For example, I know that I have used the cheating accusations dwell in my thoughts for the past year and has shaped how I treat my husband and even close friends of mine. This is not how I want to live my life. I either accept what he told and move forward or I don’t accept it and move on from my marriage. Dwelling on he/she said aspect is not healthy for anyone in my family, especially my children.

Another example: In August, I began to sell clothes that either didn’t fit me or my kids on Poshmark. Everyone I know either sells or buys on Poshmark and raves about it. As I started to gain sales, I added some of my handmade hats and other accessories. In October, the hats became a hit for Halloween. I had one buyer, after trying to haggle a lower price for weeks, complain to Poshmark about the hat until I sent her a new one. This bothered me until she gave me a 5 star review. I sat at all 5 star reviews until last week. Another buyer, who also haggled a lower price on a more expensive item, gave the sweater 4 stars and remarked about item cleanliness. This has bugged me day in and out since that review because I always make sure the items are clean and list the wear for the used items in the listing. Plus, it dropped my rating to a 4.9 which isn’t horrible but not how I want my business perceived to potential buyers.

The only way to learn to let go of the negativity and negative thoughts is by releasing them from your mind. I have had to consciously recognize when I am having negative thoughts or dwelling on situations, and tell myself that I am good enough, I am loved, I am a wonderful woman and mother. This is the only way to begin to let things go.

Let It Go and Have a Happy Life

I want that happy life that I see other people have or portray having happy lives. I know that in order to truly be happy in my own life, my own body and my own mind is to make changes within myself. To start off these changes, I need to learn to let go of the past, let go of the stupid shit that bothers me, let go of the negative thoughts and let go my self destructive behaviors that fester all of the negativity and leaves no room for positivity in my life. It is time to shine with happiness and positivity, even if those around me are negative. It is time to let it go, let it go while I wait out the storm for sunny days. 

If you want to join Mel Robbins #mindsetreset and change your thoughts for 2019 follow this link: #mindsetreset 

 

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Write It Out: Put Your Feelings on Paper

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Have you ever gotten to a point in your life that you have kept so much bottled up inside that you feel like a volcano ready to explode? Maybe the person you need to talk to is not around to express your feelings? Do you feel like you have no one to talk to about what is going on in your life? There are more than one reason a person holds in their feelings instead of expressing them but writing them out is a way of getting those feelings out.

Lately, I have had a lot going on in my personal life that only a few people know about. This situation has been playing over and over in my mind until I get to the point of wanting to scream my head off. Thankfully, I have had a few close friends and family to listen to me talk about this situation… over and over. I have tried to talk to the person that is involved with the situation but that is like talking to a brick wall.

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My solution to getting my feelings out without annoying the hell out of my friends and family or getting frustrated for talking to a wall… write it out! I have been journal writing since high school because a counselor suggested it as a way to express my feelings without having to talk about them. I won’t lie, I can go long periods without writing in my journal because things are either going so well that I don’t feel the need to write OR things are so bad that I am to numb to write.

When I write my out my feelings, I feel a sense of relief afterwards. Sometimes this relief is short-lived… a few hours or it can last a few days or weeks. No matter how long this relief lasts for the fact that I am able to express my feelings is the healthy aspect of living a positive life. Yes, we all have negativity in our lives whether we want it our not but it is how we handle this negativity that makes the difference in living a positive life. Journal writing helps turn those negative feelings we are dealing with into a positive way of expression.

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Journal writing can aid in keeping you connected with your mind and body aka mindfulness. It can keep your mind focused on goals that need or want to be accomplished. Taking the time to write in a journal teaches self-discipline to do a task when you feel a trigger coming that needs to be expressed. Journal writing has healing benefits for people with depression, anxiety and sleep disorders because it helps to calm the mind. This is just some of the benefits of journal writing!

 

I used to and still do love writing with a pen and paper. Just the feeling of releasing my feelings while the ink glides across the paper. Seeing those words come to life is just a magical feeling. Unfortunately, my hands do not want to cooperate with writing with a pen and paper. After a few minutes of writing, my hands end up in a lot of pain so I have started making my journal writing digital. I use google drive to make my documents because it is free and I can use it among all my devices. Like last night, I needed to write my feelings out so I was able to grab my phone, open the app and type away until I felt better.

So, whether you need a pen and paper or a computer/tablet/phone to write your feelings, it doesn’t matter as long as you write your feelings out. Good feelings, bad feelings… all feelings matter and feel great when you write them down. I encourage you to start writing today!

Writing your feelings out in a journal keeps your POSITIVE life on track. Take a few minutes to write down the good, the bad or the ugly and release it to the universe.