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Turning 28 Weeks during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month

Girl Meets Grill presents

Today, I turn 28 weeks and am officially in the Third Trimester but tomorrow is a somber day because it is October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is somber because I am one those women that have lost a baby that I never got to meet. I am 1 in 4.

It is so hard to really wrap my head around the fact that I am a statistic but I have had miscarriages in my first trimester and one in my second trimester. That moment when you just know something is wrong and the doctor confirms, the baby is no longer viable (able to continue to grow), is the one of the worst moments a woman can go through no matter if it is your first miscarriage or 4th.

My body is the type that responds to pregnancy almost immediately so I feel those symptoms very early. So when I have lost those babies, it was like losing a piece of my heart, especially with the 2nd trimester loss. That one, I went through morning sickness and cravings. I went for my routine ultrasound but when the tech became very quiet and went to get the doctor, I knew it was over. There was no heartbeat. I fell into a depression after that miscarriage which took a long time to recover from.

In January, I went through my last miscarriage which was not any easier but we agreed to try for another one. We tried for a couple of months but stress and life made doing the deed to make a baby less and less frequent so when I realized I was pregnant again we were both shocked but so happy. I still analyze every time I go to the bathroom that something could be wrong but everything with the baby has been great. We are now in our third trimester!

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24 Weeks and a Big Milestone Reached

24 WeeksThe Baby is the size of a Cantaloupe!

In the beginning of my pregnancy, hitting 24 weeks felt like it was a lifetime away. As a new problem in my pregnancy arose, each week became a blessing that my baby girl was growing a little bigger. Our first milestone was to reach 24 weeks where the baby has a chance of survival if my complications made my body delivery this baby before the “normal” 40 weeks.

Most moms are so excited to reach this point because they are more than half way through their pregnancy and enjoying their upcoming baby shower. For myself, it is enjoying each week as it comes because that means she is getting a little bigger and will have less complications and time in the NICU if she born this early.

A little update on me and the pregnancy… still getting sick but not as often. When I went in for weekly Makena shot on Wednesday, I was given a lecture (kinda a kick in the butt) that I need to drink more water and add some Gatorade to my diet because my blood pressure was 80/49. I am normally low but never that low which would explain why I have been feeling more tired (besides being a mom and college student and pregnant), drained faster then normal plus very light headed. If you know me, you know how much I loathe the taste of Gatorade, Powerade any ade except Lemonade! So I am trying my hardest to drink at least a bottle of it a day but haven’t felt much of a difference yet but I am tolerating the Powerade strawberry lemonade.

My little cantaloupe is moving all about and loves to push her head into my ribs so I can’t breathe, which I wonder if that contributes to my still getting sick to my stomach. She loves to make her presence be known when I am sitting in class. As I am rubbing my belly to calm her down, my professors are looking at me like I am about to go into labor any minute…. don’t jinx me yet! Now that I have reached the doctor’s goal of 24 weeks, my next goal is 30 weeks which is right around Aidan’s 15th birthday. He was born at 30 weeks and is now a football player in high school. Lets see what the next 6 weeks brings us!

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As I am buying something each week for the baby this is what I found this week. (You can click on the image or the words to go to Amazon to purchase for youself)

Infantino Sash Wrap and Tie Baby Carrier

This was my best friend with Danyella because I could cart her anywhere without the carseat or stroller!

Luvable Friends Animal Face Hooded Towel, Purple Penguin

Hooded Towels are essential because they are much easier to dry baby off and wrap them snuggly warm after a bath.

Carter’s Baby Girls’ 3 Piece Adorable Penguin Little Character Set 3 Months

I could not resist this outfit with the cute penguin on the butt of the pants!

 

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Grief turns to Anger

It’s been longer then I anticipated since I last blogged and here is why….

After my post about my miscarriage I went through the stages of grief. I cried my eyes out for a couple of days but went about my life. I went to work and cried in the bathroom. I dropped my daughter off at school and picked her up but while I driving in the car alone, I cried. I couldn’t stop crying and my poor boyfriend really didn’t know how to handle it. 

Once my crying slowed down, I am still going through bouts of crying, I got angry and nasty. Some days it’s gone from anger to rage over this loss that I didn’t know how to deal with at all. I was angry at everyone and anyone that entered my life. Working in the restaurant industry isn’t good for anyone prone to be angry, let alone a woman still dealing with her hormones being wacky and grieving the loss of her unborn child. 

Every child at one of my tables made me want to cry and there have been moments in the bathroom where I have shed a tear or two. Now it seems like I see baby commercials and adorable baby products everywhere I turn. All of this has set off a rage in me that I have never felt before this grief set in.

I have bit off the heads of the people I love over reasons I can’t remember. I have started fights with people of nonsense. I have just have been miserable in everything I say and do. Just my mannerisms have radiated negativity. 

To make matters worse, I work with someone who is known to be negative and miserable and this weekend my anger came to a head to popped. It felt this rage burst inside of me that I just couldn’t control or stop and it was a scary couple of days. I attempted to quit my job because I needed to get my head on straight and stay away from negativity. Thankfully my boss and I talked things out before I upped and quit my job but this anger needs to controlled.

Since this all happened, I adjusted my work schedule to work around happy, positive coworkers, joined the gym with my boyfriend and started listening to a new audio book. Small steps to big changes.