I thought that the hardest part was getting myself to actually eat healthy but that is not true at all! The hardest part has been to get my mind inline with my body and my desire for a healthy body. I am not going to lie… I fell off the healthy eating wagon more then once this past week.
After I took the last bite of a devil dog or ice cream or pasta, I felt the twinges of remorse and wanting to throw up for what I had just done.
I never really had decided to do a lifestyle change liks this before so mentally I was not prepared. Honestly, I thought I could wing it as I go…. WRONG!!! WRONG WRONG WRONG! You have to plan out your meals and set up a time everyday to exercise or you will fail miserably or at least in the beginning.
I learned after this first week that just winging it was not the right mindset at all because you need that structure to retrain your brain to live and breathe healthy in your life. After a set back, all you can do is pick yourself up, try again and learn from your mistakes in the future. I definetely need to take the time to plan my meals and exercise for the week or I will fall into the same trap as I did this past week which is endulge the urge and regret it later. Nope lesson learned!
People always tell me that you need to love the body you are in and love yourself if you want to be happy. Well… I half agree with that statement because yes I do need to love myself but it doesn’t mean I am going to be happy with the changes that have been going on in my body. There are women that love themselves whether they are 105 pounds and petite or 205 pounds and curvy. I am not one of those women!
Currently I am 158 pounds and continuing to gain weight despite my efforts to work out and change my eating habits. I have been working out 4-5 times a week, practicing yoga almost daily and have cut out most carbs and sugars plus increased my intake of fresh fruits/veggies and water but I continue to gain weight. I am exhausted everyday, even if I can take a nap, I just want to continue to sleep and my body hurts all the time.
Part of me wonders if there is something more going on with my body then the tests are revealing. I have been going to the doctor for 2 years for sleep problems and my body pain. All that was revealed was the I have herniated discs in my neck that “could” be effecting my nerve endings in my body. It is frustrating and depressing that my body feels this miserable and my attempts at living a healthier lifestyle has increased my weight instead of decrease my weight and pain. I took myself off the medication that aided in my pain relief because my significant other and I are trying to have a baby after my miscarriage in January. We have pushed to change to a healthier lifestyle to help aid in trying to conceive so this just adds to my frustrations with my weight.
Happiness is a mind over matter situation but your matter affects your mind especially when it comes to self love. I want to feel happy and healthy with my body, mind and life so this is going to be a long journey in my life that will require even more changes to give me those results I seek.
On Mondays, I am going to blog about my journey with my weight, body and happiness within.